


You Must Hate Me

by yutorin



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: I was like fifteen or something, Just kinda...odd?, M/M, Originally Posted on LiveJournal, Originally posted in 2011, two perspectives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-11 23:35:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17456423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yutorin/pseuds/yutorin
Summary: Yamada and Keito just don't get it.





	You Must Hate Me

_"You're disgusting."_  You say, when I ask how you enjoyed your time with me. I try to laugh it off, and not take it personally. You're not the first one to say something like that. Not the first. Just the most important.

_"Why would I want to do that for you?"_  You ask me, when I beg you to cook something for me. I try to act cute, and open my eyes wide, like Chinen does, whenever he gets you to do something for him. You just smirk, and ignore me.

_"What, that's just freaky."_  You say, in the middle of one of my stories about my school in England. I freeze up, as your words slice through my usual cool. Apparently, no matter what I say, it's never anything good enough for you.

_"What the hell are you doing?!"_  You ask in a deadly voice, and I back up against the wall, apologizing, and crouching down, allowing you to tower over me. I really did try. Hard. I gave it my best. But my best wasn't good enough for you; who couldn't lose. I'm sorry.

_"Thank goodness that is over."_  You say, as you leave the recording booth, after our final session together. You don't ask me how I am, or even give me a second glance as you leave, your music in your ears. I'm not worth that to you, I suppose.

_I don't know why I would think that you would like me. I'm clumsy, and self conscious. I am always stuttering, and embarrassing myself. I just seem to always fail at what I do the first couple of times. Not like you; who masters the most difficult of things as though they were as simple as breathing. No wonder you can't stand me. I'm a tiny speck compared to you. Yet, for some reason, I can't give up on the dream of 'you and I'._

 

 

_"You're disgusting."_  I find myself saying, when you ask me what I thought of you. Yeah, you were disgusting; disgustingly beautiful. I couldn't look at you for fear of staring. You tell me that it's normal for you to hear that, and it makes me angry. You're just going to let me get away with that?

_"Why would I want to do that for you?"_  I ask, a hope in my chest that you would say what I want to hear. For you to respond with a 'because we would be the most perfect couple ever.' or something equally as cheesy. You just give me a look, pouting. I should have known better.

_"What, that's just freaky."_  I find myself saying, as you describe the castle next to your school in England. I knew saying that would shut you up. I hate it when you talk about England; it makes me feel like you are far away. Out of reach.  
 _"What the hell are you doing?!"_  I ask, pinning you to the wall, angry. Why are you always so scared? You apologize frugally, allowing me to tower over you, and it just pisses me off even more. You should stand up for yourself. You deserve it; you should value yourself more.

_"Thank goodness that is over."_  I say to myself, scurrying out of the recording booth ahead of you. I hate doing stuff with just the two of us, somehow I always manage to make an ass of myself whenever we're alone. And then afterward, like right now, I feel guilty. I am tired of being mean...but I don't know how to stop.

_I don't know why you don't show hate toward me. I do and say things to intentionally make you feel bad; or upset you. I'm a good actor, to the point where it's easier to fake, and lie, than to show my true self. I don't ever treat you like a friend, instead I bully you. You should hate me. You always work hard at everything you do. You endure everything, including my bullying, without complaint. I'm a cheap fake next to you. Yet, somehow, somewhere in my heart, I'm still yearning for ' us, together'._


End file.
